In Memory of Simon

Out of the many people I looked after as an AIDS Buddy, some stand out as heroes of the era.

This is the story of a young man of 35 who faced a “double whammy” of coming to terms with his own impending death while also being subjected to prejudice from some of those around him.

When my dear friend Simon became very ill with PCP (Pneumocystis carinii Pneumonia) in 1989, he was admitted to hospital where I visited him often. I would often stay between half an hour and three hours. He desperately needed the company and support which I was happy to give. Though he would sleep for long periods, he needed so much to hold someone’s hand. My time with Simon was somewhat mysterious as it had a profound effect on my faith and belief in Christ.

Simon was not the most communicative person, but I got to know him more day by day. It was the little things which meant so much. He would sit quietly dozing, and it really touched my heart when after I said: “I wish I could do more for you”, his thin hand reached out and touched my face. It remained there for some time: this conveyed more than words could say.

Simon’s family came from a Methodist background. When Simon had last visited his family the year before, he had been banned from seeing any of the children in the family. News got round and he was banned from using the public swimming pool – in those days people believed you could catch AIDS very easily.

It was the end of the road for him. Every time I visited, I braced myself; half expecting the bed to have been stripped and Simon gone. Some of Simon’s family experienced great difficulty coming to terms with the fact that he was gay, so a minister was brought in to exorcise him of the so-called “sin” – some of his family even believed this would save his life.

Many families have difficulty coming to terms with their son’s or daughter’s sexual orientation, although in the last 20 years things have improved a lot. However, many are still not fully accepted. As you will know, there is still a great debate about sexuality within the church.

Eventually, Simon was moved to a nursing home where , again, he was challenged with prejudice from some of the nursing staff. Some time later, I received a phone call to say that Simon was dying. I rushed to the home; I found Simon so weak and frail in his mother’s arms. His brother was also there. Their eyes were filled with tears. There was a great sense of peace in the room – the struggle was nearly over. A Methodist minister, John, (who had an AIDS ministry) said some beautiful prayers. I couldn’t help thinking the suffeeing was nearly over. Simon died the following day – he was at peace at last. He never really complained – his strength and calmness was an example to us all. We all loved him very much, he gave us all something special – his love. All the family and nurses who supported him missed him greatly, but I believe that people like Simon should be remembered and that they live on as my heroes.

Kevin Kelland